[Emily’s Review]: Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky

Dear (never-been-quite-over-you) Crush,
It's been a few years since we were together, but I can't stop thinking about the time we almost...

Wren Roland has never been kissed, but he wants that movie-perfect ending more than anything. Feeling nostalgic on the eve of his birthday, he sends emails to all the boys he (ahem) loved before he came out. Morning brings the inevitable Oh God What Did I Do?, but he brushes that panic aside. Why stress about it? None of his could-have-beens are actually going to read the emails, much less respond. Right?

Enter Derick Haverford, Wren's #1 pre-coming-out-crush and his drive-in theater's new social media intern. Everyone claims he's coasting on cinematic good looks and his father's connections, but Wren has always known there's much more to Derick than meets the eye. Too bad he doesn't feel the same way about the infamous almost-kiss that once rocked Wren's world.

Whatever. Wren's no longer a closeted teenager; he can survive this. But as their hazy summer becomes consumed with a special project that may just save the struggling drive-in for good, Wren and Derick are drawn ever-closer...and maybe, finally, Wren's dream of a perfect-kiss-before-the-credits is within reach.

I received this book for free from Publisher in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.

I DNF’d this book at 69%.

That is a lot of book to commit to, to not finish.
Yet here we are.

This is a book about a pretentious film studies “expert”, written by a pretentious film studies “expert” for other pretentious film studies “experts”. 

The incessant and unnecessary mention of obscure vintage television shows, actors and movie stars was exhausting. The author made a deliberate choice to use unnecessary verbiage through out the entire novel (verbiage that you probably only recognize because you also took a history of film class freshman year of college).
It’s so unbelievably obnoxious. 

Wren is a newly out gay man who just finished his final semester in college. He works at the local drive in movie theater and alá To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, he writes e-mails to his past love interests and never sends them. In a drunken haze, he actually sends all the e-mails and of course one of the recipients replies. The subsequent love story is one where both Wren and Derrick have to navigate their newly out statuses, their sexual identities and how to be together in this new phase of their lives. Not only that, but they are attempting to revive the Drive-In theater in their home town while figuring out what the next step is after college graduation. Growing up is fucking hard man.

Everyone knows a student who studied abroad for one semester in college and then subsequently made it their entire personality.
Think of that student- but insert a history of cinema course, and you’ve basically learned all you need to know about the main character, Wren (and I’m assuming the author as well).

If I wasn’t fully invested in Wren’s love life I would have put this book down hours before I actually did.

The romance plot was wrapped up in a nice neat bow at approximately 60%. He got the guy, he figured out his status in the LGBTQ+ community and he was seriously happy.

SO, pray tell, what did the final 40% of the book contain?
I will never know. I got bored and gave up.

So this one is zero stars, because I never finished reading it.

Emily

Emily is a coffee loving, cat snuggling, hairstylist and book-a-holic.
Having always been a voracious reader and devouring books at a breakneck speed, joining the bookish and blogging community seemed like a natural next step. She loves giving recommendations to friends and family and then very gently (and not forcefully at all) asking for their opinions after they complete each chapter.
Her reviews tend to be goofy, a little sweary, on the more impassioned side and maybe sometimes a little self deprecating.
Emily typically enjoys reading almost every genre, including (but not limited to) monster romance, literary fiction, rom-com, contemporary, LGBTQ+, low/urban fantasy, paranormal, dystopian, sci-fi, gothic romance or basically any book that will make her cry.